Later
by Ell
Summary: Harm’s heart soared. He felt like he was flying on a crystal clear day in a perfectly blue sky. ‘Later’ filled him with hope. A little vignette set in the middle of "Measure of Man"
1. Chapter 1

**Later**

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were, never will be. I'm just taking them out to play for a minute.

ooOOoo

AN: I saw the episode _Measure of Man_ few weeks ago, and this scene in Mac's cabin stayed in my head. I'm not really a writer, I don't have the creativity to develop a complete story, but this vignette almost wrote itself. It flew off my fingers on a flight tonight, so I posted it immediately, before I lost my nerve.

ooOOoo

"Yeah, I would… I would give her up"

The softy spoken words arrested Mac's departure and froze her in place as she was about to step into the corridor. She reached out her right hand to steady herself, taking hold of the door handle. For a moment neither of them moved, neither breathed.

Harm was facing away, his back to her, he was not certain that she had heard his admission. He prayed she had. But he was equally fearful of her reaction if she did hear him. Perhaps the silence confirmed that she hadn't.

He slowly turned, afraid that she would not be there, that she had left her cabin before he had answered her challenge.

His heart swelled to see her standing there, facing away, not moving.

"Mac" he whispered. Still she did not move

He reached out his right hand and gently took hold of her left elbow to turn her to face him. He needed to see her eyes, to gauge her reaction, to understand what she was feeling. He tenderly slid his hand down her arm and drew her wrist towards him. His action caused her to pivot towards him. Her right hand still lingering on the handle for a moment longer; the momentum of her turning closing the hatch behind her.

She was staring at the floor, afraid to raise her head and look at him. She struggled to process what he had just said. Had he truly just admitted that he would leave Renee for her? That she meant something to him? Something more than friendship?

He gave her time, watching her down-turned face intently. Truthfully he was giving himself time to process the implication of his words. His heart had spoken before his head had stopped it.

Slowly she gathered her thoughts. She fought her natural inclination to contradict him.

Harm held his breath, waiting. He realised that he was still holding her wrist and was both surprised and encouraged that she had not pulled away from him.

She raised her head, her eyes finding his… seeking truth.

His emotions lay bare on his face. No games, just affection. Perhaps even… love? She felt something stir deep in her heart as she sought to understand him. Something that had been buried for longer than she could remember. Feelings that she had never allowed herself to acknowledge.

Without words she sought confirmation from him and received not his cocky flyboy grin, but a warm smile that gave her assurance. She took half a step towards him, her hand moving of its own volition to rest on his strong forearm.

Time stood still as he lost himself in her chocolate eyes. He took a shallow breath, about to speak when the moment was shattered by a fist knocking on the other side of the hatch.

Mac stepped back quickly, dropping her hand as if she had been burnt. She closed her eyes for a moment to compose herself and called "Enter".

Harm's heart plummeted to the icy depths somewhere beneath the keel. He was so sure that they were finally on the same page, but now…

As the door started to open, Mac glanced at Harm, their eyes locked and she nodded. "Latter" she whispered. Then she instantly transformed herself into Marine-mode.

Harm's heart soared. He felt like he was flying on a crystal clear day in a perfectly blue sky. 'Later' filled him with hope.


	2. Chapter 2

**Later**

Ch2

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were, never will be. I'm just taking them out to play for a minute.

ooOOoo

AN: I was not going to continue this but…

This chapter is more of a bridge to my next chapter. It's just a re-write of the episode with the right 'tone' for my version. … enjoy.

(I guess that means I'm doing at least 3 chapters, perhaps 4)

ooOOoo

The trial was over, it was time to leave. The Navy's schedule did not accommodate his need to stay longer, to find her. He felt unresolved, other than the necessary conversation they had had as part of the trial they had barely spoken since the moment in Mac's cabin. He had replayed it a hundred times in his head, and he scarcely let himself believe that there was a possibility for them to more forward – yet now that possibility existed.

She had not avoided him, not truly. She knew that as much as she wanted to lose herself in him, and to immerse herself in his warmth, his touch, a carrier was not the place to do it. There was no time to have the conversation that they both wanted, no privacy either. It had taken years to get to this point and she was nervous about the next step. It was one thing to acknowledge how he felt about her, and to give him hope. It was another to figure out what that meant. Perhaps she was thinking too much.

She had bantered with him at a mid-point in the trial – their usual exchange – a little dig; a little jab. In part it was a way to keep things manageable; in part it was to show Gunny that everything was 'normal'. Whatever 'normal' was between them.

She hoped he understood. She still had weeks, perhaps months left of her assignment onboard the Guadalcanal. If she let herself feel too much she would never cope with the separation.

He had been looking for her for the past hour. There are few places to hide on a carrier, and he knew them all. His search efforts had been hindered by the civilian attorney, Kaliski. Kaliski had been like a little kid since arriving – in awe of everything he saw form the flight deck to the fantail, constantly yammering in Harm's ear. Harm had attempted to off-load him onto the Public Affairs officer, without success.

Now it was too late – they were leaving and Mac was staying. He had one last chance to see her before they left. He knew she would be there, somewhere, watching. He couldn't see her, but he could feel her as he came up the ramp. Kaliski was asking questions, he answered without really paying attention, scanning for her in all the obvious places.

He was going home, but she needed to stay focused, to not allow herself to feel, or she would fall apart, break into so many pieces she may not be able to function. She had hidden from him, knowing that it would drive him insane, yet also knowing it was the only way to preserve her sanity.

Finally he caught sight of her, high above the flight deck leaning on the rail, her eyes glued to him. Across the space that divided them he read her eyes, and understood everything that was going on in her mind.

She saw the realisation cross his face, and was rewarded with a smile, his new smile that she loved so much. It was only the second time she had seen it – but both times at pivotal moments. This smile was only for her and conveyed everything that was in his heart.

Her whole face lit up and it warmed his heart that he caused it – he could make her that happy. Without words, they both understood that this final separation was only temporary.

Their time would come, just a little later…


	3. Chapter 3

**Later**

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were, never will be. I'm just taking them out to play for a minute.

Ch3

ooOOoo

Her experience in Indonesia disturbed her to the core. She had thought Bosnia had prepared her for any situation – but losing Liliana hurt in a way she did not anticipate.

Back onboard the Guadalcanal she withdrew. She did not see herself as the hero, and could not cope with talking about it. She worked-out every moment she was not undertaking JAG responsibilities. Pounding out her anger and frustration, pushing herself to exhaustion just so that she could sleep, only to be haunted by nightmares and the fear caused by not knowing the fate of a brave little girl.

She tried calling the police chief in Aceh, but without success.

Harm had called – wanting to know she was OK – physically. Physically was not the problem. Emotionally she needed him – but not half a world away. So she reassured him she was fine, and asked him to wait. She was on her way back to DC. She needed him, but only when she could let go, when she could open her heart and let everything out, and she could not do that and continue her current assignment.

He had gone out of his mind with worry while she was in danger. Aceh was law-less and unpredictable. The hours waiting for news while the embassy was under siege, almost broke him. His friends and colleagues at JAG were accustomed to seeing one of them stressed out when the other was in danger. This time Harriett thought something was different in his level of concern, but she could not put her finger on it.

He called her as soon as she was back onboard. He needed to know she was OK. "Fine" she said, "fine". What kind of a word was 'fine' it did not tell him anything. Finally he caught the undercurrent in her tone and realised that in order to keep her proud Marine persona together she was not going to talk to him – not now – perhaps later.

He mentally kicked himself for not being more perceptive and changed the topic to something light, innocuous. The call ended quickly, too quickly but he was beginning to understand. He thought about calling Chloe to see if she knew anything more, and stopped himself. He did not want to worry Mac any further if Chloe mentioned the call to her.

She finished the cruise on automatic, haunted by nightmares about Liliana. Arriving back at JAG she checked in with the Admiral and when he offered her the afternoon off, she surprised herself and agreed.

She was driven by two needs – find Liliana, find Harm. She felt helpless, it was too early to try calling Indonesia again, and Harm was in court.

She went home; a soak in the tub was what she needed. She craved the privacy of her apartment. Surprisingly, she felt restless as soon as she settled into the tub. The warmth and quite were not soothing her and the emptiness of her apartment did not comfort her.

Propelled by a need to move, she was out of the tub, dressed and in her car before she had processed what she was doing. She started driving, thinking that it may ease her disquiet. Half an hour later she realised she was outside Harm's apartment. She smiled to herself – it really was not surprising that this was the direction her internal autopilot had taken her.

It was still mid-afternoon, too early for him to be home, but she parked and entered his building none the less. Finding his key nestled alongside her own she let herself into his apartment. She felt instantly calmed as soon as she shut the door. This was the calm she was craving, but could not find at her apartment.

She walked around, re-familiarising herself with his loft that was such a reflection of himself. Her fingertips trailed along the surface of the shelves by the door, picking up the photo of Harm as a little boy with his father. She recalled the first time she had looked at this photo – the very first day they worked together – when this loft was still a construction zone.

She smiled – she could barely remember the time before they knew each other. In some ways that day was a paradigm shift for her. It was the start of a satisfying career move, and also the start of a relationship that both enlivened her, and at times confused and frustrated her.

Her journey around the loft eventually took her up the three steps to his bedroom. Suddenly overwhelmed by her lack of sleep, and the comfort of being in his apartment, she slipped off her shoes and lay down on the bed. She inhaled his scent from the pillow and fell into the deep sleep that had eluded her for weeks.

He was distracted, and that was not something that he could afford. His only chance of winning his case was to pay 200 attention. There was no way he was going to let Singer win, but his state of mind, and his client, were conspiring against him.

Finally court was in recess for the day, actually for the week given that it was Friday. When he walked into the bullpen he was mentally drained from the case, walking past his colleagues in a daze on the way to his office.

Harriet followed Harm. He glanced up to see her hovering at his door.

"Sir"

"Yes, Harriet, come in"

"Sir, I just thought you may like to know that the Major is back. She stopped in to see the Admiral earlier, and then secured for the day"

A warm smile suffused over his face, and then he quickly composed himself.

"Thanks Harriet" he replied

His smile said it all. She did not wait to prolong the conversation; she slipped quietly from his office, now fully understanding the dept of his concern during the Embassy siege in Aceh.

He returned the calls and messages that could not wait, and gathered the files he would need for the weekend. With a wry thought he realised that if the weekend fulfilled its new possibilities, he may not be getting much work done.

He drove hurriedly to Mac's apartment. He looked up and her windows as he stopped outside and was surprised to see that no were lights on. He shrugged it off, thinking that perhaps she was sleeping. He parked and entered the building.

Knocking on her door, he was concerned that there was no answer. He pulled out his phone and called her number, he could hear the phone ringing inside the apartment, and then the machine picking up.

He was perplexed. Where was Mac?

He tried her mobile, but that went to voicemail too.

Dejectedly, we walked away from her apartment and back to his car. He would have to wait. He would see her a little later…


	4. Chapter 4

Ch4

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were, never will be. I'm just taking them out to play for a minute.

ooOOoo

AN: OK – so it's been 6 months! This chapter just did not want to be written, even though the outline has not changed, the words would not write themselves. Also, real life got complicated – the downside or working in the financial services sector during this current crisis. But enough with the excuses – you don't want to hear them – I hope you will forgive me, and read the chapter anyway.

This is the conclusion, and the climax of this little story.

Enjoy!

ooOOoo

Harm had been sitting is his car for about 30 mins waiting for Mac, but she was yet to arrive home. He decided to drive to the corner market – perhaps she was picking up a few groceries, there would be nothing in her apartment given she had been gone for what felt like several months. An action plan, now he felt better.

During the drive he allowed his mind to drift into the Mac-world that had been developing in his subconscious ever since their encounter on the Guadalcanal had given him reason to hope they could be more than colleagues and best friends. Who was he kidding – it was pretty much all that occupied his conscious thoughts whenever he allowed himself the luxury to let his mind wander.

He knew the end-game – the two of them together with the child they had promised each other (…her looks, my brains…) on the steps of the JAG HQ just after baby AJ was born. Precisely how they got from where they were now, to that destination had developed in a thousand different ways in his dreams. The dreams had an edge now – this weekend was going to propel them towards their destiny – and a feeling of excited calm descended over Harm as he drove.

The feeling lasted for all of the five minutes it took to drive to the market. A quick lap of the car park did not reveal her car. Now he was starting to worry again. He parked and checked the aisles of the store – no Mac – he needed a new plan.

He looped past her apartment again – still no lights and no answer on either of her numbers – now what? Harm berated himself – you're a naval officer and a lawyer, coming up with solutions is supposed to be second nature.

Dejectedly he made is way to his loft. It was rush hour and traffic out of Georgetown and through the city was bad, adding to his frustrated mood.

Arriving at his loft he did not take notice of his surroundings and drove past Mac's car without seeing it.

He opened the door and dropped is briefcase beside the desk before turning on the light. He froze for a moment, lying across the back of the chair was a coat.

A woman's coat.

Mac's coat!

His eye's frantically searched the dim apartment. He was perplexed; he expected to see her on the sofa. He turned on the kitchen light; adding a little more illumination to the loft, the only place left was the bedroom. Treading lightly he walked up the steps, his heart pounding so strongly he was sure it could be seen from outside his body.

He let out a sigh, she looked so beautiful, so peaceful sleeping in his bed. He slipped out of his shoes and just watched her. Somehow it felt so right that she would come here and be waiting in his bed. He felt like a character out of a fairy-tale, should he wake the sleeping princess with a kiss? A princess in marine-green! Perhaps he should keep that analogy to himself, he was not sure if she would be delighted or offended!

She was sleeping peacefully, on her side, hugging his pillow to her. Oh, how he wished he was his pillow, being held so possessively by her.

He stood there, watching. Letting himself let go, giving himself permission to fall. Her beauty had always attracted him, but it was her inner-beauty that completely captivated him. Her strength, her emotional resilience, everything that shaped her into the woman she was before him.

He lost all track of time, but something brought him out of his meditation on her. Peace no longer suffused her face. She was twitching, obviously distressed by the dream she was having. Her sharp movements becoming more and more troubling to him. Her breathing short and erratic.

Uncertain what to do, he called gently to her "Mac. Sarah. It's OK. I'm here". She was still sleeping, so he knelt beside the bed and softly stroked her hair back from her face, continuing his mantra, "Mac. Sarah. It's OK. I'm here".

He noticed a tear on her cheek, and smoothed it away with his thumb, another appeared. Now he was determined to wake her. "Mac, Mac, wake up. It's just a dream, Wake up my precious." He continued to stroke her face and talk to her with calming, gentle words. All the time trying to wake her from the visions that gripped her.

She was having a dream, no a nightmare. The same one she had been having every night since they fled Indonesia. But this was different. For the first time she was aware, just on the edge of her consciousness, of something soothing, calming; drawing her through the nightmare to a better place. She felt safe, comforted, as if she was not alone. She had been so desperately alone, but now she felt supported, comforted.

She sighed, her breathing returning to normal as she started to wake up. As she drifted up through levels of consciousness the first thing she noticed was a lack of movement, and the large bed, so much softer than her rack onboard ship. Then a smell, a scent that always reassured her, his scent.

She sighed again, and snuggled against the hand on her cheek, as she opened her eyes. In all her dreams, all her fantasies, waking up and looking into his eyes was never as good as the real thing. His eyes reflected back concern for her nightmare, and relief that she was waking up, and love; pure, open, raw, honest love. He hid nothing, and her smile overwhelmed him.

"Hi stranger"

"Hi yourself"

"You look comfortable there in my bed." 'Like you belong' he finished silently.

"Well…" Mac was a little embarrassed; she could not really explain why she had come to his apartment, and why she had crawled into his bed. She started to sit up.

Neither was quite sure what to do, or say, next. There was a promise sitting out on the horizon, but it was going to take something to get there. Just like the poets, priests and politicians that Sting sang of, they needed words too.

Harm reached for her hand as she sat up and she stood up in front of him, well inside his personal space, almost touching. He did not let go of her hand. They stared deeply into each other's eyes.

BEEP! A car horn shattered the silence, breaking the moment. Harm stepped back a little with an ironic chuckle – the universe was conspiring to ensure that they talked before they just fell into bed together.

"Dinner? Let me cook for you, you must be ravenous for something other than sea-rations." It was hardly original, but for Harm, cooking while Mac sat at the bench chatting, and helping just a little, came naturally for them. It was familiar ground.

With cooking and dinner they fell back into their best-of-times. Conversation and laughter flowed naturally; there were comfortable silences, but no awkward pauses.

Towards the end of the meal, Mac was struggling to stay awake. Try as she might; she just could not hide her yawns from Harm.

"You're tired." Harm said, stating the obvious. "You're too tired to drive home, just go back to sleep here."

"Thanks, but could I ask a favour? Could we just sleep, could you hold me? I know there is so much more that we both want, but for a little longer, could that just be enough?" By the end of her request Mac's voice was so tentative that Harm could not help but smile.

"Always" he answered. 'Forever' he added in is head.

He took her hand and walked her back up to the bedroom. He stopped at the wardrobe and got out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. "Here" he pressed them into her hands, "you can sleep in these, and there is a new toothbrush in the cupboard in the bathroom."

He turned back to the kitchen and finished clearing up their dinner to give her a moment. When he retuned she was just walking out of the bathroom. He had a momentary flashback to her in the same position, wearing nothing but a blue towel. He could not suppress a wry smile.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing." He said shaking his head, "Just the last time I saw you in that position, you got me into a lot of hot water."

Now Mac was confused. "I don't recall…"

Realising now that he would have to tell her, he quickly stated. "That day, a while back, when I was acting JAG..."

"And you hit your head…" she remembered.

"And I hit my head. That night I was sitting in bed, and Renee came out of the shower towards me like you did just then."

"And…"

"And I kept having visions of you all day, and so I saw you, not Renee, and I called her Mac! And of course I denied it, but she knew, and I knew, and …" he turned away, embarrassed.

"Oh Harm!" Mac could not keep the giggles away. "I can see why that got you in serious hot water." "Just never call me 'Renee' and we should be fine." She was still amused.

He turned back the covers for her, and motioned for her to get in. He stepped into the bathroom, and retuned a few minutes later, ready for bed.

Mac was lying on her side, facing away from him. He slipped in behind her and slid one arm beneath her neck. As he spooned her, his top hand came to rest on her shoulder, holding her to him the same way she held the pillow earlier.

She turned her head and kissed his fingers as they rested on her shoulder. She felt the electricity spark between them but was too exhausted to do any more. Her hand reached out and entwined in his as it lay on the mattress before her. She rubbed her cheek on his forearm, sighed deeply, and was quickly asleep.

"Night Mac" he whispered as he dropped feather-light kisses on the exposed skin of her cheek, ear lobe and neck. He wanted to stay awake all night, just to watch over her. He could not believe that the woman of his dreams and fantasies was finally lying in his arms. He lasted about an hour before he too succumbed to sleep.

…

Harm could not believe how vivid his dream was. He was holding Mac, and he could feel her soft skin beneath is fingers as he traced lazy circles over her stomach, her breasts. He could hear her murmur little encouraging sounds…

Wait a moment, he _could_ feel her skin, and he _could_ hear her. He held his breath and opened his eyes. The ambient light in the room was low, but it was enough for him to see that he truly did hold Mac in his arms.

A nano-second later Harm's brain actually started functioning. They were still spooned tightly together, but now his morning tumescence was cradled between the cheeks of her very fine arse. He further realised that during the night, and without his permission, his hand had moved way from a safe position on her shoulder, and was now under her t-shirt, cupping her bare breast, his thumb stroking her delicate skin, which was responding to his touch.

Like a child caught with his hand in the cookie-jar, Harm hesitated before deciding that he probably should remove his hand. An angry Marine was the last thing he wanted to spoil the moment.

Before he could move his hand to a more chaste location, Mac reached up and cupped the back of his head; turning over her shoulder towards him, she kissed him. "Don't even think of removing your hand!"

Harm was still struggling to make sense of the situation. Mac was kissing him… Mac wanted him to keep fondling her breast… Ohhhh, green light!

She turned under him bringing him to rest on top of her. "You're not the brightest when you first wake up are you?" She smiled at him, and gave him another quick kiss. The teasing and the bantering between them could now finally reach the level of sexual innuendo it was destined for.

That was all the push he needed to take charge of the situation. Deciding they were both entirely too clothed, he discarded his t, before reaching for hers. Then crushing her to him, he kissed her, his questing tongue seeking entrance to her mouth as it began exploring. She gasped as her engorged nipples rasped against the rough hairs on his chest, while her hands roamed the muscles of his back and moved down to slip under the band of his boxers.

This was not a time for slow, gentle love making. Now was the time for raw unadulterated passion. The rest of their clothes and most of the bedding landed in various places on the floor and they sought to remove every last barrier between themselves.

Later they would figure out how to build a relationship. Later they would deal with the consequences. Now they abandoned themselves to each other, relishing in the ability to just feel and respond, and not think about anything.

- - Fini - -

ooOOoo

Song referenced is De Do Do Do by the Police: "Poets priests and politicians / have words to thank for their positions"


End file.
